Wait, the New Jersey Nets set a record for NBA futility? Why, that sounds like a perfect excuse to discuss MTV’s newest reality show “Jersey Shore.” For actual basketball discussion, please see here and here, but some things just need to be discussed.
I haven’t watched an MTV reality show since I was 13 years old, but… good lord this was so amazing. The premise: 8 people living in a house on the Jersey Shore for a month. Sounds simple enough, no? A little bit like The Real World? Well think again, BECAUSE THESE AREN’T JUST PEOPLE, BRO.
How about eight LEGENDS: super tan chicks, RIPPED bros, gallons of hair gel, booze and beaches. And guess what? Everyone’s looking to PUMP THEIR FIST AND PARTY.
That’s not the official description of the show, but this is the official cast:
Pauly D — Blowout hair, but "Don’t like the spiked hair fool you. I’m not a b—-."
Nicole aka “Snooki” — “My ideal man would be Italian, dark, muscles, juice head, guido. If I found that guy, I’d snatch him like that!”
Sammi aka “Sweetheart” — "Your number one mission is to go out and find the hottest, best-looking guido, and take him home.
Vinny — “I fist pump like the best of ’em.”
Ronnie — “Gotta my gel, cologne, more cologne, protein shakes… Three words: beers, b-----, and beaches.”
Jenni aka “Jwoww” — “When you date me, it’s cool in the beginning, and we have fun for the first month, and then I send them on a roller coaster ride to hell” … later in first episode: “I guess I technically just cheated on my boyfriend.”
Angelina —“I am the Kim Kardashian of Staten Island.”
And of course, quite possibly the greatest televison character in history:
Mike aka “The Situation” — Pretty much, everything he says on camera will make you laugh out loud. Or cringe in horror, but that’s good too. As he put it: “The Situation is going to be indescribable. You can’t even describe The Situation.”
I would watch this show if it were ONLY Mike, just going about his daily life. The Situation, in different situations, talking about The Situation. THAT is must-see TV.
Reality shows, for me, stopped being interesting almost as soon as they started. We get it, okay? People are weird, desperate, depraved, and generally depressing. The spectacle of watching a bunch of people degrade themselves just isn’t that appealing, and rubbernecking to see the next step in the cultural apocalypse is likewise not my thing. But this is just… unbelievable. You can’t even describe The Situation.
If you watch only one show this year, make it “Jersey Shore,” Thursday nights on MTV.