Wednesday, we reminded those who like SB Nation on Facebook that college football fans would have trouble with pretty much any Saturday fall wedding. Among the replies, we received the following from an Auburn fan named Garrett:
I'm a huge Auburn fan. Last season, my old roommate scheduled his wedding for the exact time of the Iron Bowl. Just a couple days before, on Thanksgiving, I knew the date was coming and I was going to have to make a terrible decision. But one of my family members was horribly sick with a stomach virus. I did the unthinkable. Hung around her a bunch, hoping to catch the bug. I caught it. Too sick to go to the wedding. Most enjoyable day of vomiting I've ever had. War Eagle.
I simply had to follow up.
First of all, your friend scheduled his wedding for the exact time of the Iron Bowl? He had to know some guests would be distressed, right?
The wedding was scheduled to start at 3:30 pm eastern. The exact time of the Iron Bowl.
My old roommate is a military brat. He had never lived in one state for more than a couple of years. He is also the least interested person in sports in general you could ever meet. Even having lived in SEC territory for several years, I would not be surprised if he was completely oblivious to the fact that that was rivalry weekend. So I really kind of give him a pass in fall wedding scheduling.
His wife, however, is a born and bred South Carolinian. With the Clemson-SC game happening the same day, she should have known better.
The greatest ending ever
The greatest ending ever
How exactly does one go about catching a stomach virus from a relative?
My sister-in-law was sick all Thanksgiving Day. She had quarantined herself to a guest bedroom during all of the festivities, though she began making an appearance that night.
It started out as kind of a joke. Everyone knew I was tortured over having to miss the biggest Iron Bowl ever for a wedding, so they were saying things like, "Wouldn't it be funny if you caught the bug and couldn't go?" The more I thought about it, the more it started making sense to my tryptophan-soaked brain.
So I basically just started treating her like she didn't have the plague, which is what the rest of the family was doing. I didn't do anything crazy like eat or drink after her, which I guess would make sense if I was really serious about it. I kind of half-assed it. Just sat beside her. Gave her a good-bye hug at the end of the day.
How long did the illness last?
It was about a 36-hour bug. It started hitting me a couple of hours before kickoff, right about the time I was going to have to decide if I was really going to go to the wedding or not. I was violently ill about thirty minutes to game time, but managed to make it through the whole game without any other incidences. The next 24 hours after the game were a living hell though.
What was your situation during Chris Davis' Kick Six return?
I didn't feel a thing during the return. I was on cloud 9. You've seen all of the reaction videos on YouTube and stuff? That was me. I was jumping up and down and screaming at the top of my lungs, "WE BEAT BAMA! WE BEAT BAMA!" 109-yard kick returns against your biggest rival for a berth in the conference championship is good for what ails ya.
Does your friend know now?
My friend does not know the entire story. I told him that I was unable to make the wedding because I was sick, but he doesn't know I got sick on purpose.
Worth it?
I'd like to tell you I feel bad for doing it, but no, it was totally worth it. If it had ended up being less than what actually occurred, I'd probably feel pretty guilty. But then I think about it the other way around, if I had missed the greatest ending to an Iron Bowl ever, and I imagine feeling way worse in that case.
That probably makes me a bad person, but I'm not the one who broke the cardinal sin of Southern wedding scheduling. I gave them a big wedding gift. We're even. Haha.
War Eagle?
War Damn Projectile-Vomiting Eagle.
***
The lesson here, I guess: Don't plan your wedding for a fall Saturday, because it will cause trouble for the college football fans invited. And if you do plan your wedding for a fall Saturday, expect tomfoolery. And maybe some vomit. Thank you to Garrett for telling us his story.
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